BCHS Community Newsletter - Other - Page 7
COACHING COPING SKILLS
Worry, anxiety, kids and
how emotion coaching
can help.
by ANNETTE CLEMMENTS
The world is a busy and
complicated place for all of us.
The things that go on in life
affect our wellbeing, and just
like adults children can worry
and become anxious because of
what is happening around them.
Worry is like anxiety. It is where
someone is focused on
something that bothers them
and they think about it a lot.
They may even begin to avoid
the situation they are worried
about. When this happens we
call it anxiety.
Anxiety is a series of symptoms
in the body which show that
your central nervous system is
very wound up. In children,
these symptoms could include
stomach aches, headaches,
saying they feel scared,
avoiding activities, nightmares,
withdrawing, sleep problems,
biting their nails, getting sick
often, being unsettled, being
clingy and needing more
attention, having tense
shoulders, clenched hands and
arms, and more.
Children worry and can become
anxious about different things
at different ages. For toddlers it
might be the dark, monsters in
the bedroom, going to the toilet
and not having their parent
around them. For older children,
bushfires, accidents, friendship
problems, schoolwork and
getting sick are likely concerns.
Emotion coaching is a great way
to help your child cope with all
of their feelings. It is a
parenting technique based on
the concept that emotions are a
chance to connect and provide
teaching opportunities.
It is a way of relating to your
child when they are anxious or
having big feelings. The steps of
emotion coaching include:
1. Check in with yourself and
make sure you settle your
own body first. You can do
this by taking a deep breath
or thinking helpful thoughts.
Settling yourself first can be a
tricky first step.
2. Connect to your child, get
down to their level,
acknowledge their feelings,
ask what is going on, and
accept they are learning how
to cope with their feelings.
3. Name the emotion. Help
your child find the words to
name their emotions and
empathise with them.
4. Finally, problem solve how
to handle the worry together.
For example, what can we do
to help you feel less worried?
Offer ideas but get your child
to name some first. Then, put
your ideas in action.
"This approach helps
your child learn to
understand their feelings,
to name their feelings
and to look for ways
to help themselves
settle their body."
It helps them cope.
Building coping skills in our
children helps them develop their
emotional intelligence. Something
to be mindful of when dealing
with worry and anxiety in kids and
the big feelings that can follow is
being dismissive in the moment.
Being dismissive could look like a
statement, such as saying 8Don9t
worry, you9ll be fine, you can do
this.9 While often well-meaning,
these sort of statements don9t
build skills in our children and are
more likely to keep the worries or
anxiety going, as a result your
child may shut down and not
share their feelings.
To avoid this, work with your child
on strategies they can use to cope
with worry and anxious thoughts.
Strategies could include:
Breathing slowly.
Getting active to use up the
stress chemicals in their body.
Doing something you/they
enjoy.
Making a plan which they feel
will help them cope.
Ultimately, using emotion
coaching is beneficial not just for
your child but for you as a parent.
It supports connection, your
child9s development and looks
past behaviour and to who your
child really is.
